A Letter to Myself

Dear Hannah,

What I want from you in 2021 is growth.

I want to see you actually flourish instead of hiding safely away in your security blanket. I want to see you thrive in the ways that you’re supposed to without anyone, especially yourself, holding you back. 

You won’t burn out in this upcoming semester nor in the fall because you will be prepared for all your classes. You’ll have organized notes and a full planner with items actually checked off. You won’t be panicking by the end of the semester, give up, and then be hard on yourself for it. You have mental health issues and that is completely okay and 110% acceptable. If you need extra help in certain areas, if you need a good break, then you can seek help or a break without the need to feel ashamed. Your feelings are and will always be valid. Don’t doubt yourself because, honestly, you’re hardly ever wrong since you know what’s best for you. 

With a clear head and straightforward goals, I know you can achieve all the goals you set your mind to because they are within your reach. You can get good grades in all your classes, start that photography collection you’ve dreamed of, and maintain this new blog as a healthy outlet for yourself. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to do the things you want to if they’re within your means to control.

The last thing I want for you to do is take proper care of your health. Perform more acts of self-care like continuing an extensive hair care routine, trying out a new style of clothing, or becoming more skilled at applying the make-up you want. Self-care is something that I understand is, personally, hard for you to continue when you’re deep into your depression. But now that you have something else to help you with it, a good support group, and a new healthy environment, there is definitely room for self-care.

I hope you know that I do love you even if it, literally, never feels like it. I always have your back and that fact will never, ever change. 



My Calming Methods

The methods I use to calm myself from a barrage of thoughts about the day or about anything, really, constantly changes. But, my current calming methods are:

  1. Green Tea
  2. Anime
  3. Listening to anime soundtracks/lofi hip hop beats
  4. Watching youtube videos
  5. Meditation
  6. Exercise
  7. Writing
  8. Drawing
  9. Mapping out a plan for the future
  10. Talking to friends

These are my personal calming methods and since people are dynamic, these methods will always be subject to change.

Self Introduction

My counsellor and friend inspired me to create my own personal blog as an outlet and way to vent out my frustrations and emotions.

On top of my already recurring depression, I lost the physical sense of my ‘safe space’, which had been my home.

The Grey is the state of being I have felt throughout my time dealing with my depression. In the Grey, there are no dynamic emotions nor motivation or passion. It feels stagnant and repetitive; void of the will to pursue more from life or the hope that there is more to life. The Grey is also a fragile state of being in the sense that a trigger can cause grey thoughts and emotions to grow darker, becoming more dangerous.

Instead of letting the Grey consume me, I have decided to release myself from this state in a new method of coping.

Feel free to interact or express your own experiences in the Grey or beyond.

(The contents of this post are visible under ‘Blog’ from my menu.)